nimia anxietate

cuntyposts:

i’m a high dreamer

I wish I was still with him today, maybe this is our 14th month of dating. and 7 months in the future, when we were close to 2 years of dating, we both became a student at a college.

and during 4 years of our duty as students, we will be lasting. and the total time we spend together is already about 5 years.

but unfortunately, it was gone. and dreams that we want we will never again blindly.

but I’m sure, we‘ll make this story with a happy ending :*

i just can’t express

i had quite a long single. was 7 months old.. but it doesn’t matter for me. but, there are some things that make me feel weird about myself *poof*

aku ngga tau apa yg ada dipikiran dan hatiku sendiri. satu kata aja nggak mampu mengungkapkan ini semua. merasa kehilangan tentunya, tapi itu hanya diawal aja. dan aku tau aku kudu bangkit. saat ini, aku sangat ngga peduli dan ngga tertarik untuk memulai hubungan baru dengan cowo yg lain. meskipun aku merasa terkadang aku butuh support dan perhatian dari orang yg spesial. sekalipun aku melihat teman-temanku asik dengan pacarnya, aku merasa ‘gue biasa aja, gue juga pernah lebih asik dari lo pada’.

memang.. aku punya caraku sendiri untuk move on. tapi tidak selalu harus dengan cara berpasangan. memang, aku sempat dekat sama cowo tapi aku ngga ngerasain ada nyaman disitu. biasa aja. “as a friend and nothing more than that”. dan sekarang dia udah nemuin cewe yg tepat. yeay!! \(^_^)/

-when talking about the ex- my last ex boyfie? euuuh… he’s very different .. unique, special, and I‘ve never found a people who like him!! uhhh mwah mwah mwah! >.< looks like he will not escape from my mind. don’t said if I still love him, but also don’t say I’m not in love. aaaaaah!! ini diaaaaa.. aku ngga tau. dan….. yaudah santai aja gitu *straight face*

-when he began to call me- seneng! <333 tapi ya ngga mikir apaan juga. but he was always worried that I would have thought that he was giving false hope. padahal aku ngga punya sama sekali ada pikiran kesana. serius (‘,’)v

I just always hope that he really knows what I feel. I hope he will feel what I feel when I’m with him. I have never cheated, I never lied. I just always try do the best for our relationship but I’m always wrong. This isn’t a problem different ways of thinking. But this is where we were both immature and still can’t control our emotions.
but, he has taken his decision. he might find someone better and then, he will know how to be in my position yesterday and today.

aku ngga akan pernah rela kalau saja dia jatuh

aku ngga akan pernah rela kalau saja dia tersakiti

aku hanya ingin dia mendapat yg terbaik

aku hanya ingin dia dicintai dg tulus

aku hanya ingin dia dimengerti

aku hanya ingin dia tidak melihat seorang wanita hanya dari cantik atau penampilannya

aku hanya ingin dia belajar memahami perasaan dan ketulusan

aku hanya ingin dia tidak menyesal

jujur,

aku takut aku tidak menemukan yg lebih baik

aku takut aku tidak terjaga

aku takut aku terjatuh

aku takut aku tersakiti

aku takut aku menjadi orang yg tidak peka

aku takut aku menjadi orang yg bodoh

aku takut aku menjadi orang yg akan menyesal, nantinya

entahlah,

aku masih sangat peduli

aku masih sangat khawatir

aku masih sangat menyayangkan

padahal,

mungkin saja dia sudah sangat merelakan aku

mungkin saja dia sudah tidak peduli

mungkin saja dia sudah tidak khawatir

I don’t know and never know if in the future, will I find better than the best I’ve ever had? he is precious to me :’)

with a sincere heart, maybe I still love you but i don’t know. Anditto Farlinno :)